Serving an 18-month mission for my church changed my life. During these 18 months, I spent traveling to different areas in Brazil to teach about God’s love with the companionship with at least one other missionary. I spent the first part of my mission in Michigan while I waited for my Brazilian passport to come through. While in Michigan, since I was to leave at any moment, I was put into trio companionships, or served with two other missionaries, instead of one.
I remember one in particular - I was new and had been taught if we were obedient to the rules on the mission, that we would be blessed. One of these two missionaries companions, in particular, had a different way of interpreting what was exact obedience, so on more than one occasion, we clashed.
I wish I knew then what I know now. I remember by the end of our time together I was hoping to stay in the trio – but my passport came in. I did learn to love this companion, despite our differences, but it had taken grueling hours of shouting and heated discussions. I wonder if I had focused more on love, than obeying the letter of the law, if we wouldn’t have complied quicker.
the key to change
Just like the relationship between my missionary companion and I, in marriage, you will inevitably find one thing or another that both parts don’t agree on. My husband and I have come across these, and I have discovered through my mission and marriage that criticism doesn’t change people, but love does.
Goddard quotes President Joseph F. Smith in his book about bringing heaven into marriage:
“We all have our weaknesses and failings. Sometimes the husband sees a failing in his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do? Is not forgiveness better? Is not charity better? Is not love better? Isn’t it better not to speak of faults, not to magnify weaknesses by iterating and reiterating them?Isn’t that better? And will not the union that has been cemented between you and the birth of children and by the bond of the new and everlasting covenant, be more secure when you forget to mention weaknesses and faults one of another? Is it not better to drop them and say nothing about them-bury them and speak only of the good that you know and feel, one for another, and thus bury each other’s faults and not magnify them; isn’t that better?”How often do you bristle or resent sharp words from another? How likely are you to change the item that was criticized? Never, at least, hardly ever, from my experience anyways. Going off my last post about the higher law and sacrifice – love, or charity, is necessary.
turn the key to open doors
Charity is the type of endless love that Christ has for us. No matter our shortcomings, no matter how we sin, no matter where we are in our journey – Christ loves us. He has commanded us to love others, as he has loved us.
How do we know if we have charity? Goddard says:
“Just as our feelings about God are a good measure of our faith, so our feelings about our companions are a reliable gauge to our personal goodness.”How we feel about our spouse when he or she does something will alert us to know how much charity we have and in which areas we need improvement.
I love this compelling question in the Book of Mormon:
“And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?” (Alma 5:14)If we love like Christ, we will have his image in our countenances and not only will we experience a change in our hearts – but others around us will be touched. Our spouses especially will see it.
It’s not easy to feel love for someone when they leave the toilet seat up for the hundredth time or when they say something that hurts, but it is possible. It’s possible to create a mighty change in marriage – and it starts with unconditional love.
Works Cited:
“Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” H. Wallace Goddard
No comments:
Post a Comment