Recently my husband found a caterpillar and said that he had never got to see a caterpillar metamorphose into its result. We were pretty sure it’d turn into a moth, but still, he found a container and put some fresh leaves and a stick inside, and we closed it with plastic wrap with small holes in the top. What left to do? Watch and wait.
I discovered the next morning a larger hole in the top and asked my husband about it. He said that he had poked it to give the critter some moisture. I was pretty sure the hole was too big, and sure enough, the critter went missing overnight.
How often in marriage to we think of our spouse as a caterpillar; that if we make all of the conditions right, they will change where and how we want?
my beginning of change
My husband and I fought very little in the first years of marriage. We still don’t ‘fight’ in raised voices, but we can have heated discussions. I came to realize over our four years of marriage that even as a wife, I have no control over who my husband is or becomes. I can ask him to do things, but it doesn’t mean it will change him. When I realized this, I tried to stop worrying about the things I couldn’t control and focus on the things I could. There were a couple of things that I worried about in his behalf and had talked to God about it.
Just the other night, I was cuddling and talking with my husband, and he voiced some desires and dreams to become better. I won’t disclose the personal feelings, but at that moment, I knew God had heard my prayers and hopes – I had done nothing, but I knew God was working with him. This moment was pivotal for me, not because my husband wanted to change, but because I realized that only God changes people, including myself.
who weaves our cocoon?
I learned what Goddard says,
“In order to be saved, we must stop trying to save ourselves by our own power. We must turn ourselves over to Christ completely.”
We also must stop trying to save others. In Mark 12, when the scribes asked Christ what the greatest commandment was, he said that the first was to love God with all our heart. The second was like unto it, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-30) Christ will do the saving, and we are charged to love one another, even as we want to be treated.
the butterfly truth
When my husband caught the caterpillar, I tried looking up what the end change would be. I was pretty confident we had found a sort of moth, so perhaps I hadn’t been as invested in the caterpillar’s transformation like if I had thought it would be something like a monarch butterfly. How do we assume our spouses will change? What do we believe about them, but don’t actually know?
Goddard says, “We must invite truth, the heavenly perspective,” into our marriages.
It’s important always to think there is more to learn and that we don’t know everything about someone, because people change. I might “know” one day that my husband likes Thai food, but perhaps the next day he’s feeling like something else or maybe his preferences have changed. Our perspective of truth is limited, but through humble conversations with our spouses and God, we can truly come to know our spouses and ourselves.
When we invite Christ into our relationship and gain that heavenly perspective – change will happen in others, but more importantly, in our marriage.
Works Cited:
"Drawing Heaven into your Marriage," W. Wallace Goddard
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