the art of inquiring (L02)

My thoughts this week come from Elder Dallin H. Oaks’ sermon that addresses and is titled “Divorce.” This powerful address not only talks about some of the things that lead and should not lead to divorce but also how to prevent it. He says, “If you wish to marry well, inquire well.” Nowadays we call this ‘dating,’ but I would like to challenge our idea of dating and encourage the transition to the older term: ‘courtship.’

let's use our handy dictionary!

I was shocked when I looked up the definition of the word ‘dating.’ Besides referring to your grandpa’s old car or a square box on a calendar, this is what the internet came up with for dating:

Date: "go out with (someone in whom one is romantically or sexually interested)."

…This definition didn’t seem right, or complete… so I looked up another word, that today we may feel is ‘dated.’

Courtship: "a period during which a couple develops a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage."

Yes! Courtship seemed to fill the emptiness that the term ‘dating’ implied in its definition.

It made me sad to look at our pale modern replacement for something so beautiful. What has happened in the progression (or is it a regression?) in history that we have shied away from something that leads to marriage and instead conformed to something passive and shies away from commitment?

my ‘dating’ days

The trees cast spotty shadows over my living room window as I think back to my ‘dating’ days. Now, whenever someone is complaining about boys or girls and trying to find love, I find my response is often, ‘yes, I’m glad my dating days are over.’ I think a folly lies in this response and I don’t think I’m the only married person who has ever said or had this thought.

The courtship must continue ever after choosing your husband or wife; the inquiring must continue! I don’t know how many times I change what my favorite ice cream is and if my husband didn’t continue to get to know me, he’d disastrously choose cookie dough when my cravings are clearly peanut butter and chocolate. While the flavor of ice cream may not impinge on our marriage, the fact of the matter is that we are continually growing and changing, so it is imperative that the inquiring or courtship continues after we say ‘I do.’

Therefore, these following courtship ideas apply to both the single and married (or any stage in between)!

Here are 5 of my favorite fun courtship dates:

1. Go to an outdoor movie theatre showing. We have a local one near us, but you have to get there early before they sell out! We arrive early and play games and eat a picnic, then watch two back-to-back movies.

2. Go on a walk or hike. Walk to a nearby park and swing on the swings together, or find a local hike that matches your enthusiasm for hiking!

3. Seasonal outing: berry picking, snowball fight or build a snowman, visit your local farmer’s market, pick a pumpkin at a pumpkin patch and then carve it, & so much more!

4. Write or create a world together. Since both my husband and I love to write, we created a world and characters for that world together. It could be of LEGOs or clay, choose a medium that one or both of you enjoy!

5. Do an activity that the other spouse loves to do. While dating, I took a racquetball class (I was horrible!), because my husband loved it. While I did not enjoy it at first, I could tell it meant a lot to him, and I ended up liking it later on.

These are just some of my favorite things to do; the key to YOUR success is to find things you like to do and create memories together! There is an art to inquiring well, but only you know what tools will work best in your situation. For those married: your masterpiece will be your relationship with your spouse for the rest of your life, made by small strokes with each act of courtship and memories that you make together.

a warm blanket for my cape

Every time I think about posting in this blog my confidence falters. As maybe it should. I am, in fact, searching for Truth. Does it mean that it’s absolute? Absolutely not! Haha, I know, hush. In ways though, they are absolute, for we must have a foundation of something in order for order to take place. What must a building have in order to withstand the elements? Under the brick and cement and wood, a frame and under it, a foundation. Fiber in an apple, strings in the celery, gravity and the ocean floor for the ocean- laws and parts of life need foundation to keep everything together. And I’m going to try and remember not to make assumptions that you know what I believe, but some posts may do just that because I’ve grown up with being Christian, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church. That’s kind of what I’m really doing, though, becoming aware of what I believe and taking my childhood and molding my own conscious decisions.

So I’ll start with my foundations. For your sake as much as mine. I believe in God, an Eternal Father of our souls. I believe in Jesus Christ, my Brother, Redeemer of our souls. I believe in the Holy Ghost, the great Comforter. I believe our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to have physical bodies like you and me, and that both of them visited a boy named Joseph Smith and restored God’s church to its fullest. The Book of Mormon is an account of the people of the Americas and Christ visiting the people there. I believe it to be true and another testament of Christ and his life on earth.

Below are the Articles of Faith. Joseph Smith inspired these and I know them to be true through personal revelation. I believe anyone can receive personal revelation and talk to God today. If you are seeking, you will find. This is a truth I very much believe in. Believe in so much, that I even fear it. I won’t go into elaborate detail, but I’ve had this happen to me recently. I felt like something was wrong and I knew if I prayed and studied, I would get an answer. I was afraid of that answer, and still today I half wish I’d never gotten the answer. It means doing hard things, but also means hidden and worthwhile results. Of which I have not reaped yet, but I have faith that in time, God’s time, and things will work out. It’s happened otherwise too, that I’ve wanted the answer- maybe silly things to an outsider, but important to me. Mom and I were on the way to somewhere, but turned around because she’d forgotten something important. I don’t remember what the item was, but I remember the slight desperation that my mother was feeling. I’d searched everywhere. She had too, and was upstairs for the second time I think when I got on my knees and prayed. Heavenly Father, I told him, my mother needs these items, they’re important to her, please help me help her to find it. Still with eyes closed I ran each room in our house through my mind: kitchen, no, hallway, no, living room- warmness filled me. I stood; I was in the living room already. I looked around, and my feet took me directly to the mantel, exactly to where my mother’s item was that she needed. Had I not looked here before? Warmth filled me, a couple tears and I fell to my knees and thanked my Heavenly Father. Coincidence? No. No, it wasn’t, no because of the confidence and love that I felt God had for me, just simply no. What does God loving you feel like? Kneel down, talk to God, try it yourself- but with genuine curiosity and desire. There’s no way to give the feeling much description, much like happiness and bliss and pure joy- though these are exactly what God’s love is.

Take special note of the last one, it’s my favorite.

1.     We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

2.     We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.

3.     We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

4.     We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

5.     We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

6.     We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.

7.     We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

8.     We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

9.     We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

raising my banner

I'm reminded constantly that I am not perfect. Every day I work to be better, but what hurts the most is repeating the poor choices over and over and over again. It's time to put to put a stop to it! I'm not saying that from now on I shall only make every bad choice once, only less.

From time to time I have 'epiphanies', truths that sprout up from experiences I have and twist into my elaborate rug of thoughts. However, I find that though I know something to be right, I don’t always act like how I know- SO, this is my plan. I will write about my truths to remember them, organized in this blog. As life goes on I’m sure truths that I learn yesterday will become different truths tomorrow. You, the reader, then have this responsibility: thou shall not mock. I’m aware that some truths that I start out with will be in their infancy. If you start out with me in the beginning you will hopefully see growth, this is the goal at least.

Note: I hope you understand some of these experiences are sacred to me in some way or another- so names will be replaced, but people in my life will be included nevertheless, because a large part of who you are is who you spend time with.


I’M RAISING MY BANNER. I’m standing up for truths, some eternal, some personal- and I’m excited for the journey!

MY THEME: 2 Nephi 28:30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.