confessions of a daughter-in-law (L13)

Eight years ago at the Hill Cumorah Pageant, there was a boy I thought was handsome. The whole time I tried to find opportunities to talk to him and be around him, even though we weren’t in the same young adult group. I remember being disappointed as I realized he wasn’t as interested in me as I was in him. We were in the same campground, so I came to know his family a little better and see the way his parents governed their family. While I was sad that this young man didn’t share my growing affection, I realized that I would never want to marry into his family… His mom seemed to yell a lot and be very controlling of the time of the children; they had a lot more restrictions that me and my siblings. 

Fast forward to three years, and I’m marrying this young man that I met at the Hill Cumorah Pageant. While my husband and I are good at hashing out how we want our family to be, it seems like the most contention arises when it comes to family events with either of our parents. I’ve come to see and understand my mother-in-law a lot better over my four years of marriage, but I know I still have a lot longer to go. 

I realize that some things have happened in the past that hold me back, and made me feel inferior in one way or another. James M. Harper & Susanne F. Olsen wrote something that caught my attention in a chapter about creating strong ties in the in-laws and extended family. They say forgiveness is necessary: 

“Forgiveness means you let go of consuming feelings of animosity, bitterness, and hatred. Improved relationships will require time, effort, patience, and a willingness to communicate about issues and past offenses with love and concern.” 

I’ve made the mistake of letting these moments go by quietly, not communicating with my mother-in-law, often because I feel like she should know that what she said was unkind or actions were not thoughtful. This attitude has been and is unrealistic of me. 

I’m not sure how I’ll face those problems now, but now I know in the future how important it is to communicate with my mother-in-law myself, not expecting her or my husband to fix the problem. I know that with the Lord, everything is possible and has forgiven us of our debts and only asks that we do the same, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” (Matt 6:12) I know that as I forgive my mother-in-law, come to love and continue to try and understand her, that not only will it affect my family – but my own happiness.