the heart in the soul of marriage (L06)

hey you! who me?

My 15-month-old has recently started to realize that if she points at something, she can communicate with us what she wants. Just today she made a gesture as if pointing to herself, or at least it looked like it briefly. Isn’t it interesting that when we acknowledge ourselves, we don’t point to our brain? We don’t say, “the brain is me,” but we touch our chest where our beating heart lays. “This is I, or even we.”

The heart has been a symbol of love and is used numerous times in love songs. From expressing undying love (like Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler) or protecting the heart (like Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, by John Elton), music portrays the heart in many ways. Unfortunately, I found many songs in my search on google more disheartening: Heart of Glass, Break Your Heart, Harden my Heart, Heartbreaker, Hungry Heart, Cold Hearted, and more.

offer up a broken heart

The Lord also symbolically talks about the heart, since he obviously he doesn’t want our actual hearts in this verse: “And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit” (3 Nephi 9:20) I think it’s easy to associate this with the saying, ‘oh that breaks my heart’. When the Lord says he asks for a broken heart, it means “to be humble, contrite, repentant, and meek—that is, receptive to the will of God.” (Guide to the Scriptures) In a way, God sings to us through hymns, but his song is about offering up our hearts and receiving a fullness of joy.

put it all on the alter

It seems like it should be easy, but there is nothing physical that we can give God. The question then becomes “how”? How and what is it that we offer God? We can come with our broken heart – full of humility and meekness, wanting what the Lord wants, but once we’re at the altar, what is it that we are sacrificing?

I'd like to talk about the sacrifice in the marriage union(that includes God). It’s easy to hope marriage will work, but God has required a broken heart for our marriages to work as well:

“Most of us want the prize without paying the price. We want to have a close, loving marriage, but we’re not willing to give up our pet affections. But God has required us to make sacrifices if we are to enjoy that which is most valuable.” (H. Wallace Goddard)

I love when my husband calls from his school/rotation during lunch, because I know he doesn’t always get a lunch, or it’s often hurried. Most of the time, the acts that will be difficult make the most difference.

“Selfishness is the absence of love.” (Henry B. Eyring)

put it all on the altar, together

While it would be lovely for good moments to last forever, they don’t. I think that’s one of the reasons why journals are so important to record the wonderful times for reserve for later. The work you put into marriage requires consistent practice, just as Goddard says:

“Character and companionship do not come without consistent investment.”

In this triangle, God is at the top, and as the married couple gets closer to God, they grow closer together. However, imagine if either the wife or husband grew closer to God faster, that connection between the couple goes skiwampus and gets longer, or further from each other. Now imagine (or look at the image below) that we tip the triangle over so that either the wife or husband is at top. I think so often we put Christ at the top of our triangle (or think of him distantly), that we forget that he came down to earth so that he could work with us.

God wants us to succeed in life and marriage, and he knows that it won’t be easy. He has provided a way to achieve this joy with Christ’s Atonement. Part of this process is remembering this: “If, therefore, God allows us to learn from experience without condemning us for it, how much more should we be willing to let our companions learn from their experience without condemning them for it.” (Bruce C. Hafen) Going forward in my relationships and marriage, I want to keep this in mind, especially if I’m tempted to be bothered by something. We will grow closer to our loved ones and spouses as we find out what we individually need to place on our altars.

Works Cited:

Guide to the Scriptures on lds.org, https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/broken-heart?lang=eng

“Drawing Heaven into your Marriage” H. Wallace Goddard

Henry B. Eyring," Our perfect Example," Ensign, November 2009, pg. 70

Bruce C. Hafen, Covenant Hearts, pg. 66