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After talking about a more secular part of marriage in my
last post, I’d like to address the most important part of the definition of
marriage and why I choose to defend it as a union between a man, a woman and
God.
the soul of the man and woman
I wish to premise this post with just because I believe a
certain way, does not mean that I wish to force my beliefs on the reader. I do
not write about truths because I want to enforce them, but because I want to
educate and open minds.
That said, this is a spiritual truth that I believe to be
true: I believe that the soul is made up a body and a spirit that resides inside
our body. One must understand this belief and also that death is not the end to
existence to understand this:
“Gender is an essential characteristic of
individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” (The Family: A
Proclamation to the World)
our soul in marriage
While I believe that society has put certain characteristics
on gender that I do not agree with, there are characteristics for both male and
female that make them both essential to marriage. God intended the mother to
give birth to children (a man can not do that) and to nurture the children both
physically and spiritually. There is an instinctual part of the man that wants
to provide and protect his family, and I believe God meant for the man to do so
both physically and spiritually. While perhaps the roles do not have concrete
lines where one begins and ends, the man and woman compliment each other and
support each other through the difficult and rewarding feat of marriage.
the garden of eden
Marriage is not easy and while there are some exceptions, I
believe the majority of divorces nowadays are people who are trying to escape
strife or consequences of their actions. Bruce C. Hafen in a discourse says,
“When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by
walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re
receiving what they bargained for.”
These sorts of people are trying to live
like Adam and Eve if they had never left the Garden of Eden. Everyone has the
gift of agency to choose, even Adam and Eve had it. They could have chosen to
not eat the forbidden fruit and stayed in blissful ignorance in the Garden of
Eden, happy, no troubles, no pain… It sounds nice, right?
we don’t live in that kind of world.
Just like Adam ended up leaving the garden and faced the
consequences thereof, so there are consequences of being human. There are hard
things that happen: deaths, natural disasters, and so many other things we
can’t control. Then there are the things we can control and the natural
consequences that come thereof. I like how Bruce C. Hafen describes those who live
a covenant marriage:
“But when troubles come to a
covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give
and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God.
Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100
percent.”
God meant for us to put our whole heart into marriage, and in doing
so we risk everything – but we gain joy and growth.
putting soul into marriage
Historically marriage used to be more like a covenant
marriage that was between man, woman, and the state. This was because the
government was interested in the success of a marriage and what happened to the
children. Nowadays the idea of marriage has strayed from this to a private
contract between two people – so it makes sense that people think it should be
fine to redefine marriage or want an easier way out if they deem divorce
necessary.
My solution? Let’s put the soul back into marriage. The
society needs more covenant marriages, but with God at it’s head. Marriage
needs commitment that no matter what, two people will work together to better
each other and support each other through the hardest times. God doesn’t expect
us to do it alone. The soul of marriage is a man, a woman, and God. God meant for us to have joy in the journey, and I can
attest to this truth as I’ve had my daughter and raised her with my husband and
guidance from God.
Works Cited & Further Notes:
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” https://www.lds.org/study/manual/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng
Bruce C. Hafen, “Covenant Marriage,” Ensign, Nov 1996, 26
“Of course, some have no opportunity to marry. And some
divorces are unavoidable. But the Lord will ultimately compensate those
faithful ones who are denied mortal fulfillment.” Bruce Hafen
2 Nephi 2:23, “And they would have had no children;
wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no JOY, for
they knew no misery; doing no GOOD, for they knew no sin.”
i am christian.
As an active Christian in today’s society, I feel pressure
to keep my mouth shut when it comes to my beliefs in marriage. If I say that I
believe marriage should only be between a man and a woman, then somehow this
means I am a bigot, and I hate homosexuals? I know that not everyone thinks
this way, but I’ve seen the reaction and felt the pressure in conversations. I
want to start out by saying that I love all people, no matter what they believe
or how they choose to live their lives. I have friends of all sorts of sexual
orientation and ways of living, and I do not judge them – I love them. My values
and beliefs are personal, as well how I choose to live my life, I do not wish
to be told how to live my life, as much as homosexuals don’t like to be told
that they shouldn’t be together.
I say ‘personal,’ except now the government has taken a
stance in my beliefs… and now my personal views have become something of public
opinion. This is why I write this post and stand up for marriage. I started out
by researching heterosexual pride flags as I started out finding out how to
make my stance, but realized that I wasn’t trying to support heterosexual
relationships, but instead the union of marriage.
Also, while researching, I came across an inquiry and
fallacy that were posed when it comes to heterosexual pride. Before I address
them, I’d like to clarify a misnomer that tends to be one root of some
arguments made.
*Defending marriage is not the same as defending racial
freedoms.
While
marriage is a deeply religious union for me, in today’s society marriage is
like a license, much like a driver’s license. Everyone can have one, but in order to own one there are requirements that
have to be met and there are reasons for those rules to protect everyone on the
road. Marriage is the same way, except its ‘rules’ or definition has survived
thousands of years.
I have a brother who is legally
blind and can’t own a driver’s license and if he decided he wanted one to fit
into society, he still can’t. It’s really hard for him. I can hear your brains
reeling at the idea of comparing a choice to be gay to being physically
impaired. The thing is, just like my brother is blind, two gays are still two
males – you can’t change it by saying otherwise.
On another hand the 14th
Amendment was created for racial rights, a law that said the pigment of
someone’s skin shouldn’t make them different. (Comparing the pigment of skin to
sexual organs is like comparing the flavor of fruits to the seeds of fruits.
The fruit all taste delicious, but no matter what – if you plant an apple seed,
you’re going to get an apple tree.) I’ll be talking more about this in my next
post!
here is the inquiry and fallacy i found.
“May I ask what
struggles straight people have overcome that they are proud of?”
“Gay Pride was not
born of a need to celebrate being gay, but our right to exist without
persecution. So instead of wondering why there isn’t a Straight Pride movement,
be thankful you don’t need one.”
Perhaps both of these questions may have been valid years
ago, but today in our society heterosexuals who stand up for marriage against
homosexuals are being bullied for their beliefs. Perhaps we don’t need a
heterosexual movement since men and women will continue to have sex and will
continue to have relations with each other – and that is normal. What has been
under attack (or that thing we have been or need to overcome) is the idea of
what marriage should be. We don’t need a heterosexual pride flag, what we need
is a marriage banner.
But I couldn’t find one. There were heterosexual flags, but
none seemed to stand for what I wanted to say.
what’s wrong with the heterosexual flags?
I looked around to see what the heterosexual flags were, but
I didn’t like any of them. Homosexuals have the rainbow and what - we get black
and white? There were a couple of flags that included the pink and blue, the
stereotypical colors that society places on boys and girls, but I also didn’t
like this (me being a woman with a life long disdain of the color pink). I can
like blue and still retain my womanhood.
*drumroll please*
Introducing the Marriage Pride flag!
It seems pretty basic, right? I know, I know – I was
complaining about no color, but read on to see why I chose black and white!
coloring in your flag:
Doesn’t the white space make you want
to color it in? That’s the point! I left it for YOU to fill in. Are you a pink
man? Does the mom go out to bring home the bacon and prefer watching sports on
TV? It’s made blank so that each person can decide for himself or herself what
it means to be a man or a woman. Society shouldn’t decide what color we are.
what does black represent?
Truth. The black border is marriage and within those
confines should only be a man and a woman.
In August Russell M. Nelson (now President and Prophet of
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) in his commencement address to
students at BYU, testifies that marriage was ordained and created by God, “Marriage
was not created by human judges or legislators. It was not created by think tanks
or by popular vote or by oft-quoted bloggers or by pundits. It was not created
by lobbyists. Marriage was created by God!” He quotes 2 Timothy 3:12, “Yea, and
all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.” We live in
a time where it will not be easy to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ. We must
stand up for the truth regarding the sacred nature of marriage between a man
and a woman. He continues: “The day is gone when you can be a quiet and
comfortable Christian.”
So I raise my marriage flag. The man and woman are necessary
& essential.
works cited:
Where I got my inspiration to write this post:
My thoughts this week come from Elder Dallin
H. Oaks’ sermon that addresses and is titled “Divorce.” This powerful address
not only talks about some of the things that lead and should not lead to
divorce but also how to prevent it. He says, “If you wish to marry well,
inquire well.” Nowadays we call this ‘dating,’ but I would like to challenge
our idea of dating and encourage the transition to the older term: ‘courtship.’
let's use our handy dictionary!
I was shocked when I looked up the definition
of the word ‘dating.’ Besides referring to your grandpa’s old car or a square
box on a calendar, this is what the internet came up with for dating:
Date: "go out with (someone in whom one is
romantically or sexually interested)."
…This definition didn’t seem right, or
complete… so I looked up another word, that today we may feel is ‘dated.’
Courtship: "a period during which a couple
develops a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage."
Yes! Courtship seemed to fill the emptiness
that the term ‘dating’ implied in its definition.
It made me sad to look at our pale modern
replacement for something so beautiful. What has happened in the progression
(or is it a regression?) in history that we have shied away from something that
leads to marriage and instead conformed to something passive and shies away
from commitment?
my ‘dating’ days
The trees cast spotty shadows over my living
room window as I think back to my ‘dating’ days. Now, whenever someone is
complaining about boys or girls and trying to find love, I find my response is
often, ‘yes, I’m glad my dating days are over.’ I think a folly lies in this
response and I don’t think I’m the only married person who has ever said or had
this thought.
The courtship must continue ever after
choosing your husband or wife; the inquiring must continue! I don’t know how
many times I change what my favorite ice cream is and if my husband didn’t
continue to get to know me, he’d disastrously choose cookie dough when my
cravings are clearly peanut butter and chocolate. While the flavor of ice cream
may not impinge on our marriage, the fact of the matter is that we are
continually growing and changing, so it is imperative that the inquiring or
courtship continues after we say ‘I do.’
Therefore, these following courtship ideas
apply to both the single and married (or any stage in between)!
Here are 5 of my favorite fun courtship
dates:
1. Go to an outdoor movie theatre showing. We
have a local one near us, but you have to get there early before they sell out!
We arrive early and play games and eat a picnic, then watch two back-to-back
movies.
2. Go on a walk or hike. Walk to a nearby
park and swing on the swings together, or find a local hike that matches your
enthusiasm for hiking!
3. Seasonal outing: berry picking, snowball
fight or build a snowman, visit your local farmer’s market, pick a pumpkin at a
pumpkin patch and then carve it, & so much more!
4. Write or create a world together. Since
both my husband and I love to write, we created a world and characters for that
world together. It could be of LEGOs or clay, choose a medium that one or both
of you enjoy!
5. Do an activity that the other spouse loves
to do. While dating, I took a racquetball class (I was horrible!), because my
husband loved it. While I did not enjoy it at first, I could tell it meant a
lot to him, and I ended up liking it later on.
These are just some of my favorite things to do;
the key to YOUR success is to find things you like to do and create memories
together! There is an art to inquiring well, but only you know what tools will
work best in your situation. For those married: your masterpiece will be your
relationship with your spouse for the rest of your life, made by small strokes
with each act of courtship and memories that you make together.
Every time I think about posting in this blog my confidence falters.
As maybe it should. I am, in fact, searching for Truth. Does it mean that it’s
absolute? Absolutely not! Haha, I know, hush. In ways though, they are
absolute, for we must have a foundation of something in order for order to take
place. What must a building have in order to withstand the elements? Under the
brick and cement and wood, a frame and under it, a foundation. Fiber in an
apple, strings in the celery, gravity and the ocean floor for the ocean- laws
and parts of life need foundation to keep everything together. And I’m going to
try and remember not to make assumptions that you know what I believe, but some
posts may do just that because I’ve grown up with being Christian, a member of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church.
That’s kind of what I’m really doing, though, becoming aware of what I believe
and taking my childhood and molding my own conscious decisions.
So I’ll start with my foundations. For your sake as much as
mine. I believe in God, an Eternal Father of our souls. I believe in Jesus
Christ, my Brother, Redeemer of our souls. I believe in the Holy Ghost, the
great Comforter. I believe our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to have
physical bodies like you and me, and that both of them visited a boy named
Joseph Smith and restored God’s church to its fullest. The Book of Mormon is an
account of the people of the Americas and Christ visiting the people there. I
believe it to be true and another testament of Christ and his life on earth.
Below are the Articles of Faith. Joseph Smith inspired these
and I know them to be true through personal revelation. I believe anyone can
receive personal revelation and talk to God today. If you are seeking, you will
find. This is a truth I very much believe in. Believe in so much, that I even
fear it. I won’t go into elaborate detail, but I’ve had this happen to me
recently. I felt like something was wrong and I knew if I prayed and studied, I
would get an answer. I was afraid of that answer, and still today I half wish I’d
never gotten the answer. It means doing hard things, but also means hidden and
worthwhile results. Of which I have not reaped yet, but I have faith that in
time, God’s time, and things will work out. It’s happened otherwise too, that I’ve
wanted the answer- maybe silly things to an outsider, but important to me. Mom
and I were on the way to somewhere, but turned around because she’d forgotten
something important. I don’t remember what the item was, but I remember the
slight desperation that my mother was feeling. I’d searched everywhere. She had
too, and was upstairs for the second time I think when I got on my knees and
prayed. Heavenly Father, I told him, my mother needs these items, they’re
important to her, please help me help her to find it. Still with eyes closed I
ran each room in our house through my mind: kitchen, no, hallway, no, living
room- warmness filled me. I stood; I was in the living room already. I looked
around, and my feet took me directly to the mantel, exactly to where my mother’s
item was that she needed. Had I not looked here before? Warmth filled me, a
couple tears and I fell to my knees and thanked my Heavenly Father.
Coincidence? No. No, it wasn’t, no because of the confidence and love that I
felt God had for me, just simply no. What does God loving you feel like? Kneel
down, talk to God, try it yourself- but with genuine curiosity and desire.
There’s no way to give the feeling much description, much like happiness and
bliss and pure joy- though these are exactly what God’s love is.
Take special note of the last one, it’s my favorite.
1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in
His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.
2. We believe that men will be punished for their
own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.
3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ,
all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the
Gospel.
4. We believe that the first principles and
ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second,
Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth,
Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by
prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to
preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.
6. We believe in the same organization that existed
in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers,
evangelists, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy,
revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.
8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as
far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the
word of God.
9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that
He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and
important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.
10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel
and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be
built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the
earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.
11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty
God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same
privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to kings,
presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the
law.
13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste,
benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we
follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we
have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is
anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after
these things.
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